


To Hear and to Flee

by Gomac08



Category: Little Witch Academia
Genre: Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, F/F, Useless Lesbians
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:15:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27062530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gomac08/pseuds/Gomac08
Summary: One would think that Diana would be happier, that she would be on cloud nine. She and Akko had reawakened magic, and were closer than ever before. So why was it that she was miserable? Why was it that she had this sense of bitter agony that was eating at her every minute of every day? Why couldn't she let herself be happy with Akko? One thing was for certain, though...something had to change.
Relationships: Diana Cavendish/Atsuko "Akko" Kagari
Comments: 6
Kudos: 50





	To Hear and to Flee

**Author's Note:**

> Credit to Onhiro for the story

To Hear and to Flee

By Onhiro

It wasn’t fair.

This burning, biting, choking feeling that sat in the depths of Diana’s chest, the feeling that she couldn’t dismiss no matter how she tried. Why did she feel this way? Why couldn’t she be happy? It should have been the easiest thing in the world to be content with this moment, just her and Akko in Diana’s room, cuddling on Diana’s bed.

But she wasn’t.

The doubt set heavy in her mind even as she had a gentle smile on her face, Akko’s head tucked against her shoulder, her body soft and warm, and physically? It felt completely natural for Akko to be where she was. But that didn’t stop the doubt, that damned insidious doubt that whispered in Diana’s ear, that ate away at her thoughts.

Akko hugged everyone.

Akko held hands with everyone.

Akko had no concept of personal space. Diana didn’t want that to change about Akko. It was part of who she was, and to change that would change Akko, make her somehow _less_ , and Diana couldn’t bear that thought. After all, an Akko who was not so free with her affection would not have chased after Diana, bringing her back to Luna Nova, wouldn’t have amassed such a following of fast and loyal friends who made it possible for the two of them to save magic and reawaken Yggdrasil. No, Diana wouldn’t and _couldn’t_ expect Akko to change that about herself.

But at the same time, even from the moment that Akko had arrived at her room, Diana couldn’t help but question if that hug that Akko gave her was the same hug that she would give Lotte, if the way she sighed happily was something that Amanda had heard, if how she nuzzled the bottom of her jaw against Diana’s shoulder was a sensation that Sucy or Jasminka or Constanze was familiar with.

Diana knew the depth of the feelings that she felt for Akko. How could she not, with how sparkling crimson eyes and a beaming smile on an excited face haunted both her waking and sleeping thoughts? With how she couldn’t get Akko’s warmth and scent off her mind? With how she yearned for the next time that they could spend together and how the moments that they spent apart was nothing more than torture? But then, the moments that they _did_ spend together was just as painful, just as torturous, and she couldn’t say which was worse.

It just wasn’t fair.

She blinked as Akko sighed gustily before pulling away, looking at Diana with a brow quirked with concern. “Are you okay?” she asked softly, and Diana’s heart twisted at how obvious it was that Akko _cared_ …but she cared for all her friends, that’s who she was.

“Mmm, just thinking,” Diana replied, only for a slightly panicked expression to flit across Akko’s face.

“I didn’t forget about a quiz or a test, did I?” she asked, gaze darting to the side as her brows gathered with the effort to try and remember. “I’ve been trying to get better grades, bombing a quiz would be the worst!”

Diana chuckled, holding the mirth close for as long as she could before the brief joy dissipated. “No, there are no exams for a while yet, you’re safe.”

Akko seemed to deflate as she sighed with relief, her shoulders slumping. “Thank the Nine!” Then she blinked, head tilting curiously. “Okay, then…why are you being so weird?”

Diana quirked a brow, not letting the smile on her face falter in the slightest. “I’m being weird?”

Akko’s eyes flitted down to Diana’s lips before coming back up to meet her gaze head on. “Yeah. Something is bothering you.”

Ah, yes, there was the perceptive Akko that she could be when she tried. It was amazing how intuitive she could be about feelings sometimes, almost instinctively knowing that something was wrong, and when she actually put her mind to it, she could notice even closely guarded secrets.

Hmm…perhaps it was better to just come out and say it, rather than try and hide it. So Diana sat up, looking pensively down at the floor as she placed her hand over her chest, her heart thumping steadily against her palm. “Akko…there’s no doubt that I have feelings towards you…” she started, looking over as Akko say up as well, a thoughtful expression on her face as she listened with rapt attention. “…but…I just want to know if you have the same feelings too,” she continued, the sibilant whispers of her doubt growing more persistent.

There was no hesitation on Akko’s part as she leaned forward drawing Diana into a hug. “Of course,” she said, voice warm and reassuring, and God! Why did that make Diana’s gut twist so painfully?!

Diana let out a slow, shaking breath as she moved, drawing closer to Akko’s warmth, her knees parting so that she was straddling Akko, and she hated that what should have brought nothing but peace and comfort was instead painful, the guilt now joined with self-loathing as the memory came without mercy, of annoyance and disdain that had surged at what should have been inane babbling from an incompetent witch, culminating with an expertly cast _Murowa_ spell that should have hit what she thought were parasites…only for Akko to put herself in the way of the spell.

What could have happened? What could it have been like if she had put more energy into the spell, if she hadn’t adjusted the strength of the spell so that it was only powerful enough to only damage the Papillodea? It could have been so much worse…

“Diana?” she heard Akko ask, confusion clear in her voice, and Diana drew in another deep breath as her hands began to stroke the fabric of Akko’s shirt. Was there a scar under her vest and shirt? Had Diana’s thoughtless spell left a permanent mark, a blemish permanently branded against the flesh of the girl that she…?

“I’ve done something bad to you in here,” she murmured, her hands continuing to stroke against Akko’s back, and after a moment, she could feel Akko stiffening against her as she realized precisely what it was that Diana was talking about. But before Akko could protest or say that it wasn’t that big of a deal, really, and that she forgave Diana, or any number of things that Akko would say because Akko was _Akko_ , Diana drew back, her hands resting on Akko’s shoulders. She stared deep into Akko’s eyes, unflinchingly searching their depths as she spoke her next words. Words that were not a request, but a demand. “Say that you love me.”

They stared into each other’s eyes for a moment, both of their faces somber and focused. There was no hint of a smile or any teasing about Akko when she replied. “I love you,” she said, everything about her…the words, her face, her eyes…all of it serious, and nothing at all like the lighthearted and spontaneous declarations of love that she so easily used with their friends. This was not the face of someone taking this at all lightly. But for all that…

…why did it hurt this bad? Why did it make bile rise in the back of Diana’s throat? Why did it make her want to scream and shout and tear at her hair? What was it that Diana was feeling? _Why do you love me?_ she wanted to howl. _I hurt you, I stood passively by while Hannah and Barbara attacked you with their words and their fists. I struck you with a_ Murowa _spell because I was careless, **how** can you dare to say that you love me?!_

_Akko…I **hurt** you. You may be able to forgive me for that, but I never will. And if I have to protect you from myself, then I will_.

And so her mind reached a cold, even cruel decision as her heart wailed in anguish. But for all that anguish, she couldn’t stop from bowing her head, hiding behind the veil of her hair, unable to meet Akko’s suddenly worried gaze. “Diana?” she asked, confusion in her voice.

It physically hurt to force her lips to smirk, but Diana somehow managed even as her gut roiled in her belly and her nails bit into her palms as she squeezed her hands into painfully tight fists. “I just can’t feel your feelings towards me…when you say ‘I love you,’” she said, her voice somehow steady, which was a miracle, really, what with how it seemed like her very soul quailed and shook at what she was saying, at what she was _doing_.

A sharp gasp, and Diana could stop herself from looking up again, and her heart wrenched in her chest at how Akko’s lip and chin trembled even as tears gathered in the corners of her eyes. But what was worse, the pain that Diana was causing Akko now, or the pain that would come later if Akko got involved with her?

Still, Akko’s small sniffles tore at her, and she wasn’t sure just how she was able to keep her face expressionless and unemotional. By the Nine, why did she have to be the way that she was, why couldn’t she be right for Akko? Why did she have to hurt her, time and again?

Well…there was _one_ thing that she could do. Sighing, Diana rose up on her knees, leaning forward, almost flinching at how Akko leaned back and away from her with wide, teary eyes, rather than towards her like she would have, had Diana not torn the heart from her chest and stomped on it. Diana carefully reached out with slow hands, and Akko didn’t try to stop her from cupping her cheeks as she leaned closer still, the tips of their noses only just barely brushing together. “Oh, Akko,” she breathed softly. “Don’t worry. It’s not your fault,” she murmured with a sad smile before she tilted her head forward, once more hiding behind the veil of her hair as her hands fell away from Akko’s face.

Diana…just _knew_ that that haunted, hurt face would visit her tonight in her nightmares. Ah, well, it would have company. Perhaps with enough time, those crimson eyes that shined with unshed tears would fade away, just as the eyes of her mother had long since disappeared from her face in Diana’s memory. But for now? She couldn’t bear the weight of that pained betrayal. “I’m sorry, Akko,” she said stiffly as she got up from the bed, and she was only just barely able to put her shoes on, head swimming as she bent down to do so. She needed to get out.

“Diana?” Akko asked again, only this time her voice was thick with worry, and Diana frantically shook her head, gritting her teeth as she swallowed heavily.

“Sorry,” she whispered again before she was fairly running from Akko, fleeing the reality that was necessary, fleeing from her room, almost losing her footing with how eager she was to get away, away, away…

It was not be conscious choice that she wound up at the library, but rather instinct urging her to the one place that she felt the safest, felt the most at peace, surrounded by the smell of old paper, leather, parchment and ink. She fairly burst through the doors, relief at the sight of the empty and quiet library flooding through her, and she continued on getting lost between the stacks as she heard the doors swing shut behind her, closing with a final sounding click.

It was only then that Diana’s hands relaxed, knuckles twinging in protest as they moved. She lifted them, staring at trembling fingers and sweating palms and the bright red crescents of where her manicured nails had broken skin before she buried her face into her hands, the first gut-wrenching sob tearing free.

It hurt.

Oh, _Hekate_ did it hurt!

But if it meant she could protect Akko, she would do it again a hundred times over.

However, in her anguish, Diana hadn’t taken one _very_ important fact into consideration:

This was Akko they were talking about, and Diana had made a grave tactical error. In saying that she knew what her feelings for Akko were before telling Akko to say that she loved her, she had all but confessed that she loved Akko. Was Akko hurt by Diana’s words and callous dismissal? Yes. But she had also been told that Diana did not feel the feelings that Akko knew were true, that Akko could _feel_ burning in her chest whenever she thought of Diana.

Diana couldn’t feel Akko’s feelings for Diana when she said them?

Okay. That was fine.

Akko would _show_ Diana how she felt for her. If words alone would not convince Diana, then actions would!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Onhiro for making this wonderful story for me.  
> I'm sorry for the angst  
> I need them. lol  
> see you in the next chapter ;)


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